For Daddy: because you loved me first

This is one of the most emotional pictures in my collection.

This is a picture of my father and my first daughter Adaeze.

I have lived with my father for more than 4 years now and it is an awesome experience.

Showering him love is only as a result of the life he lived and shared with us.

I am the first of 8 children and I grew up in so much love and that is why I am so full of love and so giving.

Love was the major thing my parents taught us.

My father was a responsible father who put his family first.

I have so many intriguing stories to attest to that.

My father never took an appointment earlier than 9am during the holidays. For him it is a time of relaxation with his children.

One of the rare times I saw my father angry was when he was served food and we were not and like small children we were staring at his food.

He asked for our food and of course they were dishing it out in the kitchen and he exploded; nobody gives me food except my children are fed and that became the norm. He said if there is only one meat remaining; give it to my children after all they have eaten enough protein to last a lifetime  

My sister’s school introduced extension. My father was mad; what is that? Holidays are meant to be spent with your family. My father went to Dorothy college then; paid the full excursion fees and asked the principal, ‘the white people that created holidays, are they stupid?’

My father was the one who took us to the hospital and sometimes slept in the empty bed in the hospital though he usually would sleep all through the night and you will be the one waking up looking at him and laughing.

My father personally took me to school FGGC Benin-city every time we resumed or closed and made sure he visited me once a term.

He was never tired of giving. My father loved my mother in a way that was so gratifying. My mother took advantage and would sometimes make shakara and when we complain she would tell us that is my husband go and marry yours etc.

My father took my mother everywhere and wait for it, my mother though very beautiful (I am her cabon copy) was not a slim and fanciful woman but the love was for her intrinsic features and that is why anyone who tells you, you are fat and therefore he has fallen out of love with you after birthing many children is not serious. He must have fallen in love with the external and if so it never lasts.

My father was not a stubborn man. He listened with the key to understanding where you are coming from. My mother didn’t have that patience. My father had higher emotional intelligence than nma, my mother.

By the way my father visited me in all my universities and even law school.

Most students knew my father and guess what he would give anybody I came with to greet him money it didn’t matter the amount.

Now over 86 he is still the same with my children. He prays for them every day. He gifts them money once in a while. He plays with them and tells them stories that are so refreshing. And I don’t know where my children got the patience from; they gave him so much attention.

He is currently planning their weddings with them EVEN THOUGH nobody has come to demand for their hands formally.

He tells them how he will wear a tail suit when they wed (The children don’t want to hurry up.

My father can carry a baby for hours. I remember how he helped with my babies anytime we are together knowing it is a major weakness for me 😂

Do you think I am a confident person? You are not wrong at all but it came from a father who spent all his time telling you how proud he is of you. How beautiful and intelligent you are and how any man who marries you will be the luckiest man on earth. I mean I heard this every day and still hearing it. My mother will be angry you did not come first. My father will ask her to give you food after all the person that came last is eating in their houses then later, he will call you and gently go through your result and entertain all your ‘lame excuses.’ He has a way of making you realize you can do more and achieve more.

I remember I had all my 3 degrees at home by age 27 before I got married. That is how generous and focused he is. He said he was grooming us to be useful first to ourselves.

In those days many people told him too much education will drive the men away. My father called them foolish.

It is for these reasons and more that we are so caring and doing everything to make sure he is well till the time God will call him home.

I always say to people; be so nice that people will reciprocate.

Don’t let people quote the Bible for the people who will take care of you eventually and says things to them like; ‘to err is human and to forgive is divine. God said people must sin against you 70*7 times before you can say you will not forgive them. Look at Jesus they spat on him and did everything horrible to Him and He still forgave his attackers.’

No don’t let it be like that instead, let it be like this, ‘you know I have this amazing father who lived all his life being a blessing to me. He genuinely loved me and it is my turn to make sure he is comfortable. I will do everything within my power to make sure he is fine. I will bring him into my house and care for him. He gave us his best and yes I will give him my best.’

The latter is much easier.

It is not too late for you to be different; for you to start caring.

Humans have poor memory and they can easily forget how you dealt with them in the past.

As for my children, they are very lucky to have a grandpa like this and I pray he lives from 86 years to a 100 years. It is possible Chief Akintola Williams lived for 104 years.

With the amount of love the children and grandchildren are showering on him, it just might be possible.

Remember no matter what happens don’t lose that smile!

*Chinyere Obi-Obasi is a lawyer, writer, MC and public speaker. She has degrees in English language/Literature and law.  She lives in Abuja and married with 5 children