A bad marriage is not the end of the world

I was at a retirement party where Rtd Colonel Dr Azodoh was extolled for being the pillar behind his wife Dr Ngozi Azodoh and where we were told how he prayed for her every day before she stepped out. One of their daughters in a recorded message wondered if she will find a man who will do that for her. The father shouted from the sidelines; ‘yes you will.’

I am sure because he has been praying for them too to have peace in their marriages.

A lady beside me said, ‘the worst thing that can happen to a woman is bad marriage. You will spend all your time sorrowing that it will delay your growth process.’

It was a bit hilarious to me because many times we just say what everyone is saying without giving it a deep thought.

There are many worst things that can happen to a man like losing your children, losing a dependable friend or ally or partner, being sick with terminal illness, having way ward children etc.

Marrying the wrong spouse is one of those things in life that can happen to anyone.

You might be the most wonderful beautiful and caring soul and still end up with a vindictive person who will make life a living hell for you.

Life deals with all of us differently.

I told her; ‘we as human beings must find a way to rise above all our challenges knowing that there is nothing that happens to you in this world that has not happened to anyone before.’

‘Therefore bad marriage is one of the many horrible things that can happen to one but certainly not the only horrible thing.’

I therefore advice everyone, the sooner you come to terms with what has happened to you and resolve to put most of it if not all behind you, you will not make progress.

Like I say to people, ‘don’t let that spouse that abandoned you in a certain way still come back years later to find you still sitting there in the same ‘rags.’ Lift up yourself from your bootstrap.

Cry all you can, wipe your eyes, forgive and move on.

There is so much to conquer.

When the milk is spilt it is spilt and there is nothing you can do about it. Go make or order for new milk.

The Bible encouraged us to forget those things that are behind us or passed.

It is important you do everything you can do to maintain your sanity.

Many years ago a very beautiful auntie psychologist told a woman I know, ‘your weight gain is tied to a psychological issues she was having.’

 The woman laughed and said it was a lie.

I agreed with her and urged auntie to move on. But Auntie was in love.

But many years later; having dealt with the issues, a new confident woman ready to take the world by storm has emerged.

That is what happens; time heals the wound on the condition that we are ready to be healed!

Bad marriage is horrible no doubt but certainly not the worst thing that can happen to anybody because it is not a finality; death is.

*Chinyere Obi-Obasi is a lawyer, writer, MC and public speaker. She has degrees in English language/Literature and law. She lives in Abuja and married with 5 children